I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
