If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
