i was born a porn star she said
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
