The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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