you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You don't make any sense
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