There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drink are we having for lunch?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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