I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
North Korea, Best Korea!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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