You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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