Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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