Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do herpes really smell.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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