do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
