i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
