I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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