i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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