her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
