No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Randomize
