I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
