Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
