new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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