She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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