You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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