Banned from zoo.
Again?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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