So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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