naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
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the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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