A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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