That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
