between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
