I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
