Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
