i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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