so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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