New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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