The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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