Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh god it's open bar.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
