toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This baby is an asshole
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
