I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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