At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
