the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
