You really coming over, don't trick.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
