she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
