I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
