When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
