"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
