sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
