I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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