You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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