thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
