Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
