There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
