OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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