I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
