I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
