ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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