I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
