he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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