This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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