I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
