End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
