That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
did i walk over a car last night?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
