i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
