I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
