nut hugger
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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