Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
