My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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