I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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