3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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