Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
