The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
