if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
