Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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