hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You dont lie about slip and slides
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize