Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
