you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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