So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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