I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
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You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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