hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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