His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i think my cat just said my name.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
