Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
