im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
