eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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