I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
