Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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