She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
