I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
