pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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