Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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