Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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